Just the other day, I was pondering how good it is to be alive. Enjoying the throes of very existence is a wonderful thing. Whether it is the wind, or the sun, or the rain, from daybreak to sunset, it is invigorating, exciting, enjoyable, and each day is pleasantly inviting. I can truly say I enjoy every minute of it.
Although, in more recent days, the bright cheerfulness has grown somewhat dim. and I haven’t been feeling up to par. This wasn’t a quick alteration. It certainly was subtle, and I never really noticed it…until now. Finding it eerie and odd, I have attempted to understand and analyze it, and I suppose it is normal. But, nonetheless, it is still quite difficult to accept. Aging, at times, can be excruciatingly painful, and there have been times that I wanted so desperately to cry out, simply hoping it would aid and assist in eliminating the hurt. I know there has to be millions of us that feel this way. But, it is no consolation; no one will listen to the pleas; the cries will never be heard. No one seems concerned. It is a festering loneliness, never, not even remotely fading, and having only increased. And, I suppose it will continue to do so.
Call it a premonition if you will. But, someday soon, I’ll feel that I will be forced to succumb to the same demise. I too will disappear into the oblivion, with no one caring that I had. It is rather disheartening and most certainly discerning. But, I know its coming…I can feel it!
But, does anyone ever know? What do their eyes see? Is it a meaningless existence? This plight I harbor and hold dear with extreme concern, is probably, for many, not even worthy of consideration. Although, I do, for some strange reason, have this wild notion that many believe it to be a wonderful and glorious thing. I, on the other hand, don’t find it to be all that glorious. On the contrary, I find it demented, macabre, and quite despicable that many consider my demise in such a way. I don’t want to die and would feel quite horrible and unsettling if I entertained those types of thoughts about them.
Today I may have finally come to grips with the inevitableness that besieges me. Having closely contrasted and compared my symptoms with those of others, the terrifying conclusion is that they are one in the same.
Suddenly, I feel it happen and immediately know the time has come..
My mind screams out in indescribable horror. Yet no one hears, nor is a sound even heard. I flutter, aimlessly down, across and with the cold breeze, allowing it to grip tight, encompassing and taking me away from the security of the only place I have ever known. I now know it is to my inevitable demise and certain death. I can feel the light in me fade and give way to the dark. As I tumble, repeatedly, across the invisible force and constantly falling, the darkness gains speed and closes quickly.
I’m fading in and out rapidly now as the darkness constantly continues to whittle away at what little life I have left. The glowing Jack-O-Lantern I landed softly beside and come to rest partly against is oddly inviting.
And, with my last whim of life, I realize that I am lying amongst my kind…and it is comforting.
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